Hey @Lee_Moio1

I have a few suggestions.

OVER ALL

1. It is very, very busy. I would have a less copy in each panel, or spread it out more. More room to breath to help people read through it.

HERO

1. There is a lot happening in the hero. Too busy. I would uncenter the copy. It makes it hard to read. Put the H1 “Protect your …” top center. Then have the image to the left and the rest of the copy to the right. This would make it easier to read. Maybe center the button under that or make it smaller below the right aligned copy.


2. The ticker text is too fast! Slow it down a bit.


3. Remove the “running thief” icon. I don’t think it is necessary.


4. Remove the facebook comment from hero. Create a separate panel for testimonials, ratings, etc,.


5. The early bird is awkward. I would find a better way to align that with the button. Maybe just copy under the button with no highlight.


6. I don’t think you need the arrow or checkmark in the copy. Images are great, but they can also be distracting if not unnecessary. Less is more.

LOGOS

1. They are too big. Adjust them to be more equal in size, slightly smaller and space them out more.

3rd PANEL

1. Same as hero, too busy. More room to breath.


2. Uncenter the text too hard to read.

4th PANEL

1. I would align the 6 points into two rows of 3. Icons center above copy.


2. If you keep the image I would have it center above the bullets but smaller


3. CTA center below the above

5th PANEL

1. This is just my opinion, but I do not think you need it. It takes up extra space. This could be a good place for a trust panel (testimonials, ratings, etc.)

FOOTER

1. Uncenter copy

I hope that helps.

Thank you, this is amazing advice and very helpful.

No worries … happy to help. Looking forward to seeing the revision 🙂

Hi Lee.

@digibomb already offered some good feedback on the design, so I’ll focus mostly on the copy.

Your headline is OK. It’s good that you lead with a benefit. But it would be more effective if you do it in a more visceral way. Protection is kind of a generic concept that’s hard to picture and doesn’t differentiate the product from other anti-theft solutions. I would come up with options to test.

Be careful when using questions in your copy. It can be an effective way to involve the reader, but you may not always get the answer you’re looking for. If your reader hasn’t personally been a victim of theft, he or she is likely to answer “no” to “sick of thieves in your area?” That alienates a large portion of potential customers.

The statistics you use are good for building the need for a product like this. You should attribute them to a source for more credibility.

Overall, the copy could be a bit tighter and smoother. Take this sentence for example: “With its patented design, once ThiefAlert detects movement, the sound it produces is so ear-piercing it’s intolerable.”

That sentence is too long and confusing. There are two introductory clauses and the main point is in passive voice.

There are also grammatical errors and/or typos throughout, such as commas where there should be periods ending a sentence and lowercase words starting new sentences. You should clean these up.

Probably the biggest issue is what’s not included, though. The reader is left with too many questions and doubts.

• When is launch day? I don’t want to purchase something I can’t get for a long time.

• If this hasn’t launched yet, how is it usually $44.99? (Changing the word “usually” might solve that)

• How sensitive is the motion detection? I wouldn’t want to deal with an ear-piercing noise for false alarms.

• Why should I trust this site?

• What sort of guarantee do you offer? Can I return it for a refund if it doesn’t work or I’m not satisfied?

When presenting your discount, I would stick with showing it as a percentage. At this price point it has more impact than the dollar amount. But check your math. By my calculations it’s coming out to 29%, not 30%.

If you’re not asking for an immediate purchase, you should make that clear. Maybe include a line like, “spend no money now” or something along those lines. That can help reduce friction.

Finally, when showing the product itself, I would make sure you angle it so that the front of it is facing into the page rather than off it. This will act as a directional cue.

Best of luck.

Hi Sean,

So many good points here!

I’m so grateful for this, I will take it all on board and implement it.

Thank you! ☺