Hey Gary, 

Here are my thoughts… 

1. Your title says “5 Points to Consider When Purchasing Aluminium Bi-Folding Doors…” But then you don’t list the 5 points in an easy digestible format - instead you want me to watch your video for “5min and 58 seconds” which I have absolutely no time to do. 

If the 5 points are interesting and valuable, you should say them. If I’m curious and I would like you to elaborate, then I’ll watch your video. But don’t tease me and hold off on the goods. 

2. 
   

   I see how you’re trying to make it into a “letter from the president” type of format, but the layout just comes off cluttered. 

   
   


3. 
   

   Your subhead is extremely long, small in font, and generally difficult to read.

   
   

Instead of “Hehku’s Aluminium Expert Steve Gives You His Top 5 Points To Consider When Choosing Which Aluminium Bi-Folding Door is Right For You.” …

You could have just said “5 Points to Consider when Choosing Aluminum Bi-Folding Doors” and I would have got a much clearer message

4. I’m a huge fan of “…”

It comes very naturally in my writing… as if it’s a brief pause… between thoughts…

But NOT if its in the main intro paragraph of your landing page. It looks and reads very unprofessionally. 

5. The rest of the content on the page is also difficult to read. Font is very small. Headers are very long. Try and be more succinct and to the point. 

Make sure your MAIN POINTS stand out against the rest of your text. 

For example, your “20 Year Guarantee” is a super powerful trust/authority element that gives me confidence in the quality of your product.

But not when it’s grey-on-grey somewhere below the fold.

6. Your contact form offer isn’t very compelling “Download Our Aluminium Bi-Folding Doors Brochure”

Why am I downloading it? What will I learn? Does it include pricing? GIVE ME A REASON. 

Your CTA button could also include a benefit of downloading. So instead of “Download Brochure” it could be something like “Get Pricing Now”

Same comment through all the other CTAs throughout the page. 

7. Also, just noticed CTA button doesn’t work. But what did you intend it to do? Pop up form? Scroll up to the top? Important to consider especially when dealing with mobile browsers. 

Sorry I couldn’t go into more detail, but I hope this helps a bit. 

Sina

I saw this one on mobile first and then on desktop. The colors need to worked at (backgrounds). There are walls of text that need broken down and we need better copy. I like the images and love the fact that the form shows up right there where it matters. However, the form can do with some form love and the buttons need work too. 

Once you get all this sorted out, you’d need another version where you can test one element at a time (like headline, CTA copy, etc.). 

There is work to be done, and I appreciate the fact that you took the trouble to ask. 

Ash

Hey Gary,

I took a quick look and actually, the information on the page is interesting - the features/benefits toward the bottom were good - but I wasn’t enticed to watch the video. Also, given the amount of information on the page, I don’t know what more could possibly be IN the brochure. A brochure doesn’t seem like the next step. I feel like after reading what’s on the page, I either need prices or a consultation.

Try explaining why getting the brochure is the next step OR withholding some of the information on the page and telling the visitor to get the brochure for that important information. 

My other thought was that the 5 things should be the lead magnet (instead of/in addition to a brochure) and make it a video and download, or even better, a checklist! People love checklists.

I hope that helps a bit!

Nichelle

Hi,

Thank you to everybody that replied your input has been very helpful. We’ve had another go at redesigning the page following an Unbounce template.

This version doesn’t have a video as we are planning to cut the video down make a shorter “teaser” video then give the full version away as the CTA.

Again I’d love to hear your feedback on this initial rework?

http://www.aluminium-bi-folding-doors.co.uk/

Thanks again

Gary.

Hi, I read all above replies they all are very informative.

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