1: What challenge are you currently trying to solve? Give as much detail as possible

I am trying to sell my product

2: How are you driving traffic to your page?

Google adwords.
& Retargeting

3: What is your conversion goal?
To sell the starter test

4: Provide a link to your published landing page / convertable:


Hi David,

Cool business! Here’s a (private, unlisted) video review with some feedback: http://somup.com/cFniVdVyah


Hey there David, I also wanted to give you some feedback on the landing page.

The main takeaway is not worry about hewing too close to the direct-response style of copy and design. For a service like Intolerance Lab, trust and authority are the main emotional notes you want to hit, rather than fear, scarcity, and urgency.

I discuss this more in the the video below, and have some tactical feedback as well:


Hi Brad

Thank you so much for taking the time to do that.

I totally get what you mean about the aggressive tone and your right . It screams scam now that I look with new eyes.

I have built everything myself from what I read and learn on a daily basis so copy is not my strong point but you are totally right.

Do you think I need to hire a copywriter to do this properly or just tone it down myself ?

With regards to the CTA at the very top . That should scroll with the customer .

Is this not a successful tactic ? Do you think I should remove the sticky bar altogether ?

Once again thank you so much for you time .

When you are working on something so much you begin to see it through rose tinted glasses .

Kind Regards



Hi Nicoholas

Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate you taking the time out on this.

Everything you said makes sense.

I am getting a lot of clicks to the store compared to the sales so I think the store needs a lot more work.

I think i will definitely go with your advice and take people directly to the item.

Is there any other things with the store I should know about .

this a world I haven’t looked at yet.

Also I have received another video saying the direct response copy is too harsh.

Because it’s a medical site I should go for a much less in your face and much more caring empathetic approach. This sort of makes sense to me . just wondered what you think.

Direct response works but does it make the site seem a little scammy ??

It was a comment i received in hotjar .

Thanks again for you time .

Cant wait to implement this stuff


Hi Nicholas

Also one more thing.

Just checking the stats on the video . Ive had around 4000 clicks since I uploaded the explainer and nearly 300 plays.

8% play rate and 86% engagement.

Do you think that is poor ?

Should I move it down the page or get rid of it all together?




Hey David,

Great questions!

Yes, if you’re getting lots of clicks to the store but not a lot of sales, that’s an indication that the store needs some work. I think most of it will be solved just by sending people directly to the product page.

If you want to take it a step further, I’d optimize the product page too, using many of the same principles that apply to the main landing page. For instance, add some verbiage about the “money back guarantee.” And maybe a testimonial. And some security logos, similar to where you have the credit card payment logos.

The goal is to make the checkout process as easy as possible, while also reaffirming the decision to purchase. Put people at ease. Repeat the key points, etc.

As for the copy, I watched Brad’s video and totally agree with everything he mentioned. @BradW really knows his stuff when it comes to conversion-focused copywriting, so I’d give it a try.

As I mentioned in my video, I think the headline misses the point, because the product is priced so low, the problem isn’t losing £9. The main objection is likely going to revolve around “does this actually work?,” or “is it easy to do?” or “will it work for me?” or “is it safe and secure?” So if you reposition the headline to move away from the “money back” promise, and focus on the answers that the test can provide, I think you’ll be in a good position. Of course, keep the money back guarantee elsewhere on the page, and in the cart. It just doesn’t need to be the first thing people see for a low-priced product.

For your video, 86% is probably pretty good. Obviously, it’s hard to generalize, but according to this article from Wistia, they say, “with our launch videos however, we look for 70% engagement as a healthy number.”

For play rate, 8% seems pretty low. Check out these tips from Wistia for how to get the play rate up. That’s where I’d focus as far as the video is concerned. Your engagement is good, but you need to get more people playing the video.

Also, not sure if you have a way of tracking this, but it would be interesting to see if the video plays actually lead to purchases. In other words, of the people who watch the video, are they more likely or less likely to purchase? You’ll need to string together some different metrics to get data like that, but it would be very insightful I think.

Chat soon,


David, for having written the page yourself, I think it’s a great effort. And it doesn’t looks like a scam, it just needs to be dialed back a bit, and have a few specific elements added to it. So it’s a really good start.

I do think a copywriter can help you, especially since this seems like a legitimate product that solves a real need. You just need to convey that value in a way that really connects with your visitor, and that’s something I’d be happy to help with. Of course, you could also do it yourself – as always it’s a money vs time question.

And as far as the CTA, yes I would remove the one at the very top. When you introduce certain elements at the wrong time, it throws off the “conversation” you’re trying to have with the reader. The effect in the reader’s mind can be small (even subconscious) but it still detracts from their experience, making them less likely to take the next step.


Hi Brad

Thanks for the added feedback . So to confirma .

Lost the sticky bar ??

My logo does not need to be stuck up there.

How much for a rewrite of the copy.

If this is something you can do for a reasonable outlay I may also have an ebook that I would waant rewritten .

I have had a free ebook written as a lead magnet but need it edited to include benefits and create a need etc.

I just had a basic ebook fleshed out and now need it to sell for future planned facebook campaigns. (as soon as I learn myself lol).


My mobile version of the page performed miserably to the point I disabled mobile completely .

Would you be willing to take on that project on the basis of a large sum if you could make it profitable ?

Kind regards



Hi Nicholas

Thanks again. These insights are invaluable. After looking so long I have tunnel vision.

This has just given me lots of new projects to work on.

Mainly copy and storeside.

I cant thank you enough…



David, I’ll send you a pm so we can discuss the page more in-depth.

  • Brad