Feedback on my video offer

I had a look, and here are some things I noticed that may be keeping the page from getting the results you’re looking for.

The user experience is a bit jarring. It starts with two steps, but there is context explaining what those steps are for or reasons anyone should care about them. I would add a benefit-oriented headline introducing the page and offer, so people immediately know what the page is about and what they are supposed to do.

Tease them into the video. Give a hint about what’s in there that they won’t want to miss.

The video itself I don’t think is engaging enough to hold people’s attention. For one thing, the text mirroring the voice over doesn’t make great use of the medium. I people want to read, it’s easier on a static page. Videos are a more visual medium. Use it to add to the message, not just repeat it.

For another, the voice over sounded a bit wooden. I understand why you would cast someone within the company. It makes sense from a credibility and authenticity standpoint, but I would try a professional VO artist to see what kind of difference it makes. They know how to make use of inflections and other variations that can add interest and excitement better than someone who doesn’t have that specialized training.

In terms of the script, I think it’s a bit too generic. Phrases like “increase cash flow,” “decrease taxes,” and “retire with more money” are all good benefits, but they don’t have the specifics to make them impactful. How much money are we talking about. And what does it mean to the viewer on a personal level. Put it in terms that are easy to picture and hit on their emotional hot buttons. Add context.

The copy should also speak to the viewer more. Imagine you are making a personal video speaking to one specific person. Picture him or her in your head as you write.

Finally, I would change the text of your button to be more specific about not just what you want them to do but why they should want to do it. That them what’s going to happen when they click. Even something as simple as Book Your FREE Strategy Session could work.

I hope that helps. Best of luck.

My pleasure.