Where’s the traffic coming from? If website visitors know you (like email list subscribers), then the structure would probably work. If not, you may want to move the about section higher.

In terms of benefits section: again, depending on the traffic, what are the reasons page visitors would care about Discord / VIP appearances etc.?

Paid traffic from either twitter, youtube, or another source.

They would care because they can become a fan of mine and get bonuses. What would you suggest?

OK, so if it’s paid traffic, they’re not your fans - yet.

The main desirable outcome is “You get this song, for free, right now.”

The rest of the points may (and I’m saying may, because I don’t know enough about your audience) actually create additional friction - if they feel that you’ll be constantly in their inbox asking them to buy stuff.

2 ways to go about this:

t1] Try “So what…?” to see if you can come up with a stronger list of benefits. Bear in mind they’re not your fans - so they may not feel that they want those benefits.

You can make new pop punk friends in my invite only discord server → so what?

You can hear your favorite covers anytime by requesting new cover songs → so what?

You get exclusive discounts on pop punk merch drops, shows, and VIP experiences → so what?

You will be the first to hear about new releases, behind the scenes action, shows, and more → so what?

2] Scrap the secondary benefits & invite folks into your community post-download, when they’ve had a chance to listen to the full song (and are more likely to want more).

Yeah that makes sense. I thought by adding more bonuses it would be more attractive, but maybe it is too much up front.

If its just the song, there are not too many benefits I could add. 

Unless you had some other suggestions?

I’d go with the option 2, tbh, unless I had really good reasons to believe other benefits would make a difference.