First of all Raise Craze sounds amazing. I love it.

With that being said, your page did its job well of informing me of what it is. But there are some points of copy I would change. Overall I think it’s a good landing page but since you are directing traffic from Adwords, those ads may need some attention to get more conversions.

Headline

Currently it sounds nice, but not a real game changer. You have put something you call the “best part” below the headline…If it’s the best part why isn’t that the headline? “Your school will earn more money and keep more money.” “Spend time serving, not selling!” To me, those are better headlines.

Body

After reading everything in the header, it successfully got me curious to learn what the kindness thing was about. But I skipped right over the next section because I caught a peek at fun images in a row below it. The body title did not tell me what it was about. Make it obvious like, “Here is how it works…” Then say it’s a fundraiser to be proud of, online platform, blah information good things.

Visuals

Online things are often harder to convert because we can’t see them right away. I already want to know how it works, so what else can you tell me? Can we get a nice screenshot of the online platform, or maybe an image of the jumpstart package? Any way to let users see what they are about to give their name for is a safe move. (A video would be super nice.)

If you aren’t already, do some A/B tests with new page revisions. Change the headline, make the body information more obvious, put the form above the fold and remove the button in the header, etc. Then you can compare to see which format is better. Again, it could be that the ads are a little off-putting and these users aren’t ready to submit their email for anything, they just want to see what’s out there. So giving some taste of what raise craze is will help.

Thank you so much, Kyle! Appreciate the feedback and will definitely implement your suggestions!

Have you installed any software like HotJar on this page? If not, that would be my step number one.

This is a pretty solid little page. But there are some things you can do to improve it.

Who are you selling this service to? My assumption is school administrators, teachers, coaches etc. Most of them I would venture to guess are 35-55 probably an equal split male/female. My point? We (I fall in that age range) often wear glasses and the type on the page is a little hard to read in spots (especially at mobile it’s just too small). We also get distracted easily and I get lost on your headline… point being get rid of the video and move to a static image. At the VERY least a/b test it asap.

I took a gamble and switched schools for teams… and found another LP. So much better! That’s a headline I can read!

So thinking about these people who would be signing up for this platform what motivates them? They need to raise money for their school, team, trip etc. The money! Move your value proposition or unique selling proposition (USP) to the top with a headline along the lines of: Keep 90% of the Money You Raise. Now you have my attention…

I would also play around with color on your form. I’d try to use the inline error messages script that is always a nice touch. Maybe try a CTA like Get My Guide vs Download the Jumpstart Package.

Just remember, think about what your users would want. If you aren’t sure, ask them. Again, a tool like HotJar can help with that. You might try an exit pop up with a case study, that could give you a second chance to convert people…

Normally I am a lot more focused when giving a LP critque. Sorry for being all over the place. I hope some of this helps boost your conversion rates!

Joe

Thank you so much, Joe! So helpful!