Agree with the above.
Would definitely add more specific facts about ROI for past customers.
If you don’t have good examples, cite examples from internal work.
We will help you X.
And then prove it with an example.
For example, when client ABC came to us, they said they wanted X (the same X as above). We did ABC and helped them see a 23% jump in X in Y weeks.
People just skim past generic statements. And if nothing catches the eye, they quickly go to the next provider.
Facts and concrete numbers force the visitor to pause, think, and process.
Of course specific numbers trump round numbers.
So if the ROI was 23%, don’t say “roughly 25%” or even “over 20%”. Both will sound like you didn’t really measure it, you’re just guessing.
Say precisely 23% and the reader will assume you measured this number carefully and it will make your copy more believable.