Landing page novice, looking for feedback

1: What challenge are you currently trying to solve? Give as much detail as possible
Hi, I just started a new online store and created my first landing page to promote one of my key product bundles. Page was recently launched and looking for brutally honest feedback on how I can improve. I looked at other pages from big companies and tried to implement best practices from what I could read online, but I would really appreciate any feedback. Trying to learn as much as I can. Any feedback would be appreciated.

2: How are you driving traffic to your page?
Google Adwords - launched the first campaign a few days ago.

3: What is your conversion goal?
From what I am reading I should not expect more than 2 - 3%

4: Provide a link to your published landing page / convertable:

Is this a joke…?

This could be the best landing page design I have seen on the forums. Even the message is well articulated through the copy and the powerful images help paint a picture of what the product is and the environment it would be utilized in.

By the time I got to the bottom, I had my credit card out and had to remind myself you only asked for feedback.

You did a great job, as long as your targeting is right, you should a conversion rate higher than expected


Thank you so much for the feedback. Was worried there might be too much copy. On the mobile it felt a bit much.

Google adwords not been so successful yet, i think i should stop and start over - perhaps take a bit of time to learn more about how to target more precisely.

I really appreciate the feedback.

Welcome to the community Pieter.

I love the design. It’s clean, contemporary and professional looking. The text has nice contrast, even in the sections where it is reversed out, so it’s easy to read. I like the choice of images, too. Nice job!

Overall, the copy isn’t bad. I like that you lead with a string benefit for the headline. The subhead does a good job of expanding on that by introducing what you are physically offering. It could be even stronger if you get a bit more concrete. “Inspire, inform and move people to action” are good things but it hard to imagine what that looks like and what it would mean for my business without more context.

Another option for the subhead would be to create a curiosity gap, where you offer enough information to intrigue prospects but leave just enough out so that they have to read on.

The section where you introduce the problem has some good info in it. There are a couple of things you can try to make it even stronger. One is to source those statistics to add credibility. The other is adding another line or two to make the problem a bit more personal to the reader and introduce that you have the solution. You’ll want to make them fear that they could be the next statistic.

One other point on that section to consider: Are you targeting large corporations with this? If not, a couple of the statistics may not resonate as much as stats about businesses their size would. If you are going after Fortune 500 companies, then I’m not sure if some of the points you hit on later (such as do it yourself without high priced consultants) will have as much impact because budgets aren’t the main concern and they likely want outside help.

For the next section, I would explore different options for the heading. Questions can be great for engaging people, but you have to be careful with yes/no questions. It’s too easy for people to people to answer the way you don’t want. Are you certain that your audience is convinced they need a new strategic plan? Or could they be more concerned with the outcomes that can provide at this stage? Don’t give them a reason to stop reading.

I’d also consider changing the first subhead in that section. Terms like high quality are too subjective and generic to be meaningful. Everybody says their stuff is high quality. But what does it mean? Tell the prospect what makes it high quality and let him come to that conclusion himself.

Skipping down toward the bottom of the page, I think it’s smart to try and position the price as a value by comparing it against higher-priced options. And I think you can do even more of that.

It’s definitely worth keeping the current comparison, but keep in mind that prospects may not see it as apples to apples. Yes, consultants charge more, but they are also doing the work. You should also set an anchor price for a more closely related solution. For example, you could valuate all of the components separately and show show how much they save with the bundled pricing or include a higher-priced option that splits the payment up in installments, and show the savings of the lump sum.

With all that said, I’m not sure that a sales landing page is the best way to market this type of product. I haven’t done the research, but I suspect there would be a bit longer of a purchase cycle for this with multiple touch points and, depending on the audience, multiple influencers and decision makers. I would think there this may even require some support from a sales rep.

You may want to try generating leads first rather than trying to sell it in one step. I think a webinar could be effective, and you could even use a lot of this info and format. Maybe it could be about how to unlock growth with a strategic plan or something along those lines. You could explain the elements needed and why they are important, then offer the product at the end. Then for those who don’t purchase right away, you will have contact information to nurture the leads.

I hope that helps. Best of luck!

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Hi Sean

Thank you so much for taking the time to review the page, this is incredible feedback.

A lot to process, but will take point by point and try to implement your recommendations.

Thanks again for the help. Hopefully I will be able to post an updated page soon.

Kind regards.

My pleasure. I know it’s a lot to take in, but the good thing with landing pages is that you can approach it iteratively and test different things over time.

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