1st Unbounce LP for a FinTech - pls provide feedback thank you!

1: What challenge are you currently trying to solve? Give as much detail as possible
We want to generate leads (via a form) and new users (freemium, via a button leading to our platform registration) for a Fintech company.


2: How are you driving traffic to your page?

LinkedIn ads and LinkedIn organic posts, newsletter


3: What is your conversion goal?

60 leads in 30 days
25 registrations


4: Provide a link to your published landing page / convertable:

http://www.cepres.com/asset-servicer/

1 Like

Hi Anna.

Welcome to the community. I just took a look and have some constructive criticism regarding your landing page.

I think there are two main issues.

The first is clarity. I’m not sure from the headline exactly what you’re selling. Solution to what problem? And #1 how? What is the metric you’re using? Without more context or proof, it’s just meaningless puffery.

In addition, there is too much jargon. Granted, I’m not in your target audience, but I suspect even fund services providers would find it a bit hard to follow. Try to use plain language. Make it sound more conversational.

I would tighten up the copy, too. Try to use simpler words and shorter sentences. Running your copy through a tool like Hemingway app can help.

The images don’t match the messaging either. I guess you’re trying to make some sort of metaphorical connection. I can understand why you’d take that approach with something like fintech, but the concept doesn’t quite work.

And without having the offer in the hero area, people don’t know what the purpose of the page is. If the offer is for a demo, that’s what you should be selling. Focus on the benefits of that. Build intrigue by teasing what users are going to see when they respond.

Speaking of the offer, the wording of the CTA could be much stronger. Exclusive is a good word, but I’m not sure how it applies to a demo. Are there people who can’t get a demo? Are you only offering a limited amount of demo? Or are they by invitation only?

“Contact us for a demo” is also a bit vague on the details. What happens next? If someone will reach out, when can they expect to hear back? If the next step is to schedule the demo, then “Schedule” might be a better choice than “Contact .”

I would also try to be more specific in the button. “Send” is generic and offers no benefit to the user. Think about why they are responding and use language related to that, such as Book My Demo or Reserve My Spot.

The other main issue is with credibility.

There are too many general claims. You need to back it up. How will this help do the things you promise? Do you have any proof? Are there testimonials or a list of companies that use it?

Give people a reason to believe what you say enough to give their contact information.

I hope that helps. Best of luck.

Hi Sean, Thank you so much for having taken the time to review the page/s and for your candid feedback, which is very helpful. I am now using the Hemingway Editor and have re-worded most of the content and worked on the CTAs.
Thanks again,
Anna

My pleasure. Good luck with the page.